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Friday, December 26, 2008

Friday Five Archives: Books!

I had planned on doing a Friday Five, but they haven't yet updated the ones for this week, so you now get the inside story on my favourite books. Haha, I made a pun. A weak one, to be sure, but one pun is better than no pun.

I was tagged by Sumana a really long time ago. It has to do with books, and is similar to today's Friday Five, but lazy bugger that I am, I will do it some other time.

The Friday Five!

1. Who is your favourite author?

Oo, toughie. If they mean the author whose books entertains me the most, that would be the Queen of Crime. Sure, they are fun, and all that, but her writing seems rather unoriginal to me, and her characters feel one dimensional. On the other hand, Gerald Durrell's books are sheer poetry. Even his animals are full of character in a way Miss Marple can never be. But I have been bored by some of his books, so I refuse to label him my favourite author. If it has to be an author who has never bored me, Richmal Crompton gets the grand prize. William Brown is one guy who can always make me laugh out really loud. More like cackle wildly, to be honest. So Richmal Crompton is my favourite author. And Richard Gordon, and Roald Dahl. They are my 3 R's.

2. What is your favourite book/series?
The Harry Potter series. Not. Yes, I love the books, but, I did not like the ending. You hear that, J K Rowling? The Bartimaeus trilogy depressed me, and the Wheel of Time got really boring after a while. Ah, I have got it- Asterix! Goscinny and Uderzo are geniuses. Remember the legionary named Gluteus Maximus? It began to make more sense after I became a medico.

3. Who is a book hero you most wish to be like?
Anne Shirley. She has brilliant gray eyes, long thick hair, an imagination, queenishness and she got Gilbert. Everybody likes her, and she knows Joseph.
You don't blame me, do you?

4. Who is a book character that you envy?
This one is really easy- any romance novel heroine. They are all gorgeous and intelligent, everything goes perfectly for them, and they get to live happily ever after.
"Fiercely dedicated medical student Anna Whitfield couldn't have been less suited to become Daniel MacGregor's submissive, heir-producing wife even if she'd tried. So why was the arrogant self-made millionaire moving heaven and earth to prove she was his perfect mate?"
Um, Mr. Millionaire? I am single. Just saying...

5. Which book do you wished you lived in?
Any book written by Alexander McCall Smith. There is something delightful about his characters and the idealised world they inhabit. Even the most terrible occurrences are trivialised, and the people handle it well.

So, now you have it. I hope you have a great 2009, in which you will all tell me about your favourite ones. I promise to blog more next year.

UPDATE: Turns out this week's Friday Five was about books, and is quite similar to the one I have done here. And then I got all tempted, and here are my answers.

1. Do you enjoy reading?
No, I do not. If I have ever led you to think that I do, I lied.
Man, really dumb question.

2. What is the first book you remember reading?
The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I was about seven at the time, and my Dad was in the hospital having his first heart attack. My aunt had very kindly taken me away from the hospital during the day, and I thanked her by raiding her library. Other books I 'borrowed' during the same time include The Five Have Plenty of Fun, and a Nancy Drew, The Whispering Statue. This is one of my favourite childhood memories. Even the hospital bit, we came through that pretty OK.

3.Who is your favourite author?
You are really lucky, you know. I am not going to answer that again. Please do not allow your sigh of relief to blow stuff away.

4. What is your favourite book?
See previous answer.

5. What is the last book you read and the first you'll read next?
The last one was Sue Townsend's Number 10, which wasn't as funny as the cover claimed to be. The next one is Davidson's Principles and Practice of Medicine. I have exams in February!

This was more like Friday Ten, or more accurately, Friday Five and Saturday Three.

Yes, I am leaving now. For real.

P.S. I got bored with the template.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Auscultate, O Heart

I found this tag at Sayesha's, and since it looked like fun and I have not blogged in the last three months, this is your lucky day.

These are the rules:
1. Put your music player on Shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Write the song name no matter what it is.
4. After you've answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and let them know they've been tagged.

Before I begin, let me tell you that I have weird taste in music (and clothes, too, come to think of it). Queries along the lines of "you actually listen to that crap?" will receive a lesson on the indecencies of the enquirer's ancestors. Consider this a statutory warning. Wow, I used "statutory warning" in a sentence. My, what, language skills, are, like, getting, y'know, better. I mean, like, wow.

1. If someone says "Is this okay?", you say:
Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
Hey, that would have been appropriate if my usual response wasn't "What crapped on it?"

2. What would best describe your personality?
She's got you high and you don't even know yet
The sun's in the sky, it's warming up your bare legs
I would love to meet whoever is singing this about me. He (note the masculine pronoun) better be handsome. And rich. And not given to airing his bare legs in public.

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
That is the chorus. I had to use that because I couldn't make any sense out of
Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in.
The girl, well, she means nothing to me, and I don't know why.

4. How do you feel today?
I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone
But I have a light
The day is done
But I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Or maybe just happy
I feel a little nauseous, to be honest, so happy I am not. I guess I was dumb to eat all that shellfish for dinner.

5. What is your life's purpose?
Young teacher, the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasy
She wants him so badly
Knows what she wants to be

*pointedly stares in the opposite direction*
For those who know me, this is highly inaccurate. I repeat, inaccurate. As in, not true. I cannot emphasise that enough.
For those who are in on my deepest, darkest secrets, isn't this ridiculous?

6. What do your friends think of you?
Si ella te hace falta
Como el agua
Si es tu mayor necesidad

That is the Spanish version of Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman. Jeez, my friends secretly wonder if I am gay? I have said this before, and I am saying it again, the answer is NO. N-O. No. Nicht. Nahi. Non. Nein. A very emphatic no.

7. What do you think of your parents?
Come to decide that the things that I tried
Were in my life just to get high on
Reminds me of this.

8. What do you think about very often?
To really love a woman, to understand her
You gotta know it deep inside.
Holy shit. This is NOT funny.

9. What is 2+2?
Such a feelin's comin' over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Nah. Let's see the next one.
The wise man said
Just walk this way
To the dawn of the light.
And forget about stupid Math problems.

10. What do you think of your best friend?
Talk to me softly, there is
Something in your eyes
Don't bend your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
Yeah, I won't let her cry tonight. Because she has a bad cold and went to bed early.

11. What do you think of the person you like?
Uske siwa, kuchh yaad nahi [I think of nothing but him]
Uske siwa, koi baat nahi [I talk of nothing else but him]
This would be true if I did have a crush on someone at the moment. I don't.
For those in on my deepest, darkest, secrets, *giggle*

12. What is your life story?
Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
And follow you into the dark
He is going to die before we meet? And I have nothing to fear because I am going to die too? I knew the world was coming to an end.

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
We passed upon the stairs
Spoke of was and when
I am going to sell the world. The one that is going to end soon. Take that, suckers!

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Kyun aaj kal neend kam khwab zyada hai [I wonder why I dream more and sleep less now]
Lagta khuda ka koi nek irada hai [I think the Big Guy has something in store for me]
On a more cynical note, I think the song is more about indigestion.

15. What do your parents think of you?
Take a bow
The night is over
This masquerade is
Getting older
Now my parents want me to leave home. How can they even think such a thing? I have no money, no job, no other place to live. When I sell the world, they go too.

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
It's good news week
Someone's dropped a bomb somewhere
Contaminating atmosphere
And blackening the sky
It's been wonderful, love, and we are going to live happily ever after, just the two of us. Because everyone else is dead.

17. What will they play at your funeral?
She's got a smile that it seems to me
It reminds me of childhood memories
If only they would stare long enough to break down and cry. It would be better if they all stopped laughing until after I get cremated.

18. What is your hobby/interest?
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I've heard of
Once in a lullaby
Yes, I am dreaming of a land where there are no exams.

19. What is your biggest secret?
Soy un hombre muy honrado,
Que me gusta lo mejor
Las mujeres no me faltan,
Ni el dinero, ni el amor
Uh-oh. Now everybody knows that I am really Antonio Banderas. That is not good.

20. What do you think of your friends?
Dancing bears, painted wings
Things I almost remember
In a strange way, this is probably about long lost friends from kindergarten.

21. What should you post this as?
Listen with your heart
You will understand
That will teach you to laugh at my misfortunes. This is the solemn cry of my heart, et cetera.
Hence the title.

22. What do you think about this tag?
When the night is still
And the sea is calm
Lonely shadow
You'll fall upon me.
Lay by my side
Fear not tonight
Lonely shadow
You'll find a new light.
WTF? I am guessing that the lyricist was high on crack.

I have skipped all the instrumental ones. Otherwise my biggest secret would have been the Four Seasons. Which is not really something to be ashamed of. It shows I have good taste. HA!

And now, I tag, well, no one. The nausea is getting worse, and I think I'll go find out how my intestines look like floating in the toilet.

UPDATE: Not that anyone reads the blog, but I felt compelled to put this in. The nausea I kept talking about? Was bad. Very bad. And the vomiting that followed was even worse. I nearly died of shellfish poisoning. I am out of the hospital, where they did every conceivable test on me to rule out saxitoxin poisoning, which I had never heard of before. And the bill. Oh, lord, the bill! Anyway, I am fine now, and (almost) completely recovered. So yay.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Raw Facts

When I was at school, we used to have tests on subjects General Knowledge and Art. Yes, ART. The same thing Renoir did. They used to give us a theme, and we would have to draw a picture about it. This was one of the few subjects I was terrible at, apart from the Social Sciences. (Seriously, what is the point in learning about the Battle of 1142 in 1999?). I could not (and still cannot) draw a straight line which has less than 4 curves.

This particular exam, the theme was "Farmer in a Field". Everybody was happy. Except for me, that is. I suck at drawing people. No, really. My stick figures need identifying labels. The field part was all right, pour green paint over the canvas, and it would be done. The farmer was the hard part.

Using my innate cleverness that serves me to this day, I devoted one corner of the canvas to a tree (green paint for the leafy bit and brown for the trunk), and had a ladder lean against it. The farmer was up the tree, and thus was hidden from view.

GK wasn't quite so bad. Most of the questions were along the lines of "Who is the current Prime Minister of India?" and "Who won the Booker Prize for The God of Small Things?", but sometimes they would throw in bombs like "Should Sachin Tendulkar be made the captain of the Indian cricket team? Write at least 200 words on the subject", which could induce fits of hysterics in cricket allergics like me. I would usually manage a B on these, and sometimes even a B+, if there were more of the Prime Minister type questions than the Sachin Tendulkar types. But the most unforgettable exam was the one that I topped. I remember just one question from that exam, and this was it.

Question: What is India's intelligence agency known as?
Answer: Research and Analysis Wing.

Obviously, there was no way I would know that. And thus was born, the Spying Corporation of India. If only I was making this stuff up.

Friday, May 16, 2008

When Darkness Falls

Midnight hour.
The clock struck twelve.

Twelve (who was the Empire in disguise) struck back, and the fight that ensued is still talked about by the hallway. Unsurprisingly, neither The Clock nor Twelve noticed a being stealthily sneaking into the house through the window.

The dog (the bitch!) exhibited very curious behaviour that night. It ran away with the hot dog next door, never to be heard of again.

Adorable Pancreas (AP) woke up clutching her chest. She had had Garlic Chicken (GC) for dinner, and it was now burning her heart. AP wanted to sleep. GC did not like her plans. And her heart was becoming crisper. AP decided to throw cold water on GC's plans, and got up. Suddenly, a shadow detached itself from the wall and fell upon AP. Before she could scream, the shadow had clamped her mouth shut. And screamed and withdrew its hand.

AP's burning heart broke speed records. She reached for the trusty torch which lived under her pillow, and managed to turn its bright beam onto her assailant's face. AP screamed. Dracula screamed louder. The torch fell to the ground and died an untimely death. AP switched on the light.

It was all a GC-induced dream.

I am scared of vampires. And things that go bump in the night. But vampires, most of all. I can deny their existence in the daytime. But sometimes, I believe in as many as six impossible things once the lights are out.

Thus, I find myself thinking about Vlad a lot. Especially at night. And then it hit me. The Impaler is Pale!

This should be impossible, but then, the lights were switched off. I turned it over in my mind, and when it was done to a golden brown colour, the solution came to me. AIDS!

The virus is transmitted through infected blood, but it has to be transfused. Undead physiology is probably very different from ours, so drinking blood probably could transmit the infection.

To be honest, it could be cancer, but I'm placing my bets on AIDS, and I shall now tell you why.

*He is pale. But his diet consists exclusively of blood. So his being anaemic is a little hard to digest. If anything, he should have a ruddy complexion. Iron overload, haemochromatomosis, bronze diabetes, yes. Anaemia? Hell, no. Phir kyon?

*He looks emaciated and cachexic. But he doesn't have that dying look in his eye. If anything, he has a wicked gleam in his eye. Of course, that is one of the occupational hazards of becoming a vampire.

*He has definitely had exposure. Contrary to popular belief, Rock Hudson *drool* required blood transfusions after a close enounter of the blood kind with good ol' Dracs. Vlad liked his taste so much he flew down to Pennsylvania all the way from Transylvania three times a week to drink Hudson. And you know the rest. May his soul rest in peace, although I doubt it.

*Unprotected blood meals. As far as I know, he does not screenthe blood for HIV, syphilis, malaria and the others. The technical problems would be enough to discourage him, even if he were to consider ruling out infections. Would you give him a sample so he could test your blood before attacking you?

Now you know. All I can tell you is, protect yourself. With garlic. And wolfsbane.

Coming soon, If pink is the new black, should I do a Tonks?

Sunday, May 4, 2008


Me: Take the right turn near the red building.
Big Brother (although born well before 1984): Which one?
Me: The RED building.
BB (he plays the blues sometimes, but he’s no King, either): It has streets on either side.
Me: The distal one. The proximal one goes to the supermarket.
BB: Funny how medical lingo creeps in all the time.
Me: I don’t do that as much as you.
BB: You do it oftener than me.
Me: No, I do no- What is that creep doing, driving on the medial side of the road?
BB: *smirk*
Me: Go stick your head inside a PR.
BB: That’s wrong grammar, too.
Me: You want me to answer that?
BB: We’re there.

Friday, April 25, 2008


Thursday, April 3, 2008

ET Had Elliott

Have you ever felt like an outcast among the people you thought were your friends? Like you don’t belong, and never really have? Am I from Pluto? Do I have antennae that only I can’t see? I hate it when I am teased relentlessly about the things I hate about myself, and my strengths are made to sound inconsequential, especially when compared to their own. My achievements are nothing; I got what I did because they weren’t in the running for it. I often wonder how much of it is meant in earnest. Or am I merely being paranoid?

Dammit, I wish I were me.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Toddling Along

So my blog has turned one. It can walk a little, but it prefers to crawl, judging by the number of posts.

Leave a gift. And say nice things about the new template.