The Friday Five: Totally Wasted

After stuffing myself to the gills during Christmas, I went back to college and promptly resumed doing nothing. As always, nothing happens, and this is why you, beloved reader, are being treated to a monologue on how I waste my time, courtesy Friday Five. You can thank me later. And read carefully, I will ask questions at the end. (This is how our teachers start a class.)

1. What is your biggest waste of time in your home?

My textbooks*. I hit the books the minute I get home, and keep at it until I take a shower. I get back to the books before my hair dries, and stay with them until dinnertime. I check my email (you have no new messages), and return to wrestling with the textbooks, until I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open. The trouble with this is, the bigger ones hit me back, and all of them weigh more than I do. And yesterday I found out I was actually supposed to open them and read, not keep bashing them. Ah, woe is me!

2. When at work, what is the activity that you find wastes the most time?

Classes. They just want to protect the lecture halls from becoming termite food, and we provide the perfect solution.

3. When getting busy with a date or significant other, what ritual could you do without?

The 'date' or the 'significant other' not showing up. Never have either of them presented themselves before me. *sigh*

4. What is the biggest waste of time on the Internet?

The Internet is not a waste of time. And StumbleUpon is not addictive.


5. What do you do at a restaurant to waste time when waiting for your meal?
That is what cell phones are for, if friends are unavailable. At the college canteen (eating there is the easiest way to poison yourself), a commentary about the varying expressions of pain on the other patrons' faces is called for, until our meal arrives and we make our own faces. If we are at some swanky place (at the expense of some individual unlucky enough to be born, and thus, have a birthday) and we don't get a table, a graphic description of the vaginal hysterectomy we saw that day (or many years previously) in a loud voice does the trick. After we have ordered our meal (an hour long process, involving much name calling and arguing), we consider it our duty to remind the sponsor about the complex process known as ageing, and the diseases associated with it. It is soon followed by someone (there is always somebody who does this) remarking that if we went around to the back, we would see our waiter energetically pursuing a chicken, which is the prompt for the others to make similar imbecile comments about the waiter venturing out to sea with a fishing line or sacrificing goats. We continue in this line, until the smells from the next table reach us, and all of us practise breathing exercises. Pictures of the 'Birthday Grandpa/Grandma' and their 'friends' in different crazy poses are snapped, and then, having nothing else to do, we start telling jokes, with punchlines like, 'he wanted to see the butter fly'. In the ensuing uproar, the rest of the patrons walk out giving us dirty looks, and the waiters ask us to leave the premises. We refuse to leave on empty stomachs, and we are served our food in record time.

Ooh, Arch has a birthday in a couple of weeks. Yay! On second thoughts, I think we may have run out of restaurants where we don't have a lifetime ban.

Those of you who did not die of sleep apnoea, answer this: Why did the boy throw his toast out the window?

God, I am SO funny.

*Lucky for me my Mom does not read my blog. Neither does the rest of the world, but that is beside the point.

Friday Five Archives: Books!

I had planned on doing a Friday Five, but they haven't yet updated the ones for this week, so you now get the inside story on my favourite books. Haha, I made a pun. A weak one, to be sure, but one pun is better than no pun.

I was tagged by Sumana a really long time ago. It has to do with books, and is similar to today's Friday Five, but lazy bugger that I am, I will do it some other time.

The Friday Five!

1. Who is your favourite author?
Oo, toughie. If they mean the author whose books entertains me the most, that would be the Queen of Crime. Sure, they are fun, and all that, but her writing seems rather unoriginal to me, and her characters feel one dimensional. On the other hand, Gerald Durrell's books are sheer poetry. Even his animals are full of character in a way Miss Marple can never be. But I have been bored by some of his books, so I refuse to label him my favourite author. If it has to be an author who has never bored me, Richmal Crompton gets the grand prize. William Brown is one guy who can always make me laugh out really loud. More like cackle wildly, to be honest. So Richmal Crompton is my favourite author. And Richard Gordon, and Roald Dahl. They are my 3 R's.


2. What is your favourite book/series?
The Harry Potter series. Not. Yes, I love the books, but, I did not like the ending. You hear that, J K Rowling? The Bartimaeus trilogy depressed me, and the Wheel of Time got really boring after a while. Ah, I have got it- Asterix! Goscinny and Uderzo are geniuses. Remember the legionary named Gluteus Maximus? It began to make more sense after I became a medico.


3. Who is a book hero you most wish to be like?
Anne Shirley. She has brilliant gray eyes, long thick hair, an imagination, queenishness and she got Gilbert. Everybody likes her, and she knows Joseph.
You don't blame me, do you?


4. Who is a book character that you envy?
This one is really easy- any romance novel heroine. They are all gorgeous and intelligent, everything goes perfectly for them, and they get to live happily ever after.
"Fiercely dedicated medical student Anna Whitfield couldn't have been less suited to become Daniel MacGregor's submissive, heir-producing wife even if she'd tried. So why was the arrogant self-made millionaire moving heaven and earth to prove she was his perfect mate?"
Um, Mr. Millionaire? I am single. Just saying...


5. Which book do you wished you lived in?
Any book written by Alexander McCall Smith. There is something delightful about his characters and the idealised world they inhabit. Even the most terrible occurrences are trivialised, and the people handle it well.

So, now you have it. I hope you have a great 2009, in which you will all tell me about your favourite ones. I promise to blog more next year.


UPDATE: Turns out this week's Friday Five was about books, and is quite similar to the one I have done here. And then I got all tempted, and here are my answers.

1. Do you enjoy reading?
No, I do not. If I have ever led you to think that I do, I lied.
Man, really dumb question.

2. What is the first book you remember reading?
The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I was about seven at the time, and my Dad was in the hospital having his first heart attack. My aunt had very kindly taken me away from the hospital during the day, and I thanked her by raiding her library. Other books I 'borrowed' during the same time include The Five Have Plenty of Fun, and a Nancy Drew, The Whispering Statue. This is one of my favourite childhood memories. Even the hospital bit, we came through that pretty OK.

3.Who is your favourite author?
You are really lucky, you know. I am not going to answer that again. Please do not allow your sigh of relief to blow stuff away.

4. What is your favourite book?
See previous answer.

5. What is the last book you read and the first you'll read next?
The last one was Sue Townsend's Number 10, which wasn't as funny as the cover claimed to be. The next one is Davidson's Principles and Practice of Medicine. I have exams in February!

This was more like Friday Ten, or more accurately, Friday Five and Saturday Three.

Yes, I am leaving now. For real.

P.S. I got bored with the template.